Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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