He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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