Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize