Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
