doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
