he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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