threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
