If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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