is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
