I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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