Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Dear god my vagina.
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