They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
