She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So apparently I’m into choking now
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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