This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
