yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
