I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
