does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize