You're so nebulous sometimes
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
