Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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