I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
