Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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