Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
