allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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