I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
