if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
