have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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