I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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