I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
