he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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