I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
