she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
