Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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