Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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