oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
