I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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