theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
