hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
