3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
