if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
