She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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