I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
