I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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