im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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