Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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