The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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