I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
