guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
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