I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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