I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
