I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
