That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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