The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
