1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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