pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
