Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
