WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
