remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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