help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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