Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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