u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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