2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize