I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
