Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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