Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
