A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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