6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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