if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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