Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
