Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
