Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
