He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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