so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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