I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
be right there i have to get my cape
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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