i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
