Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
