Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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