A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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