I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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