I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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