You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
