there's paper in my vomit.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
