If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize