people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
