Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
