i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
