dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
