The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
