I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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