I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
