Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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