If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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