every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
