FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
