I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
