I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
