my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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