I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
