you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize