Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
