It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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