I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
