hotel room ftw
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize