I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
