I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize