We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
