I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
