thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
