Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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