I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
