do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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