Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
