Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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