Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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