Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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