She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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